As with every other morning today I was rudely awaken by the child screaming in the flat below, I don't know how it doesn't wake everyone else in this household but the minute I hear that shrill creature so much as murmur I'm up. As usual I tentatively creep into the kitchen in the hope that some form of continental dish has been left for me but once again no, my flat acquaintances have left last night's food remainders. The swines. Today I showed them who's boss, today I got my own back by sneaking some underwear out of the bedroom and relieving myself on it. I know I can get away with it and I'll continue to terrorise them in this way until I get the cooked hams I deserve.
After deliberately not washing my hands I decided it was time to wake up the swines by waving them under their noses, this worked but I'm always inexplicably rewarded with a "cuddle". I hate cuddles and can usually struggle my way out of them after drawing blood. After hearing some explicit words I had myself some quiet time as I gazed out of the window at my kingdom, I like seeing the beasts below me wander in and out of my land but like many great leaders before me I'm unapproachable. Oh well. I didn't dwell on this as I snuggled up with Sharpay, I'm her ginger lothario.